When I was a Kid I had this fantasy for years about being “the boy” character on the Facts of Life. I just wanted to be in some “awe shucks” situation where Blair would have to kiss me on the cheek every week. I got pissed off when they actually did add Mackenzie Astin as Andy, this was the same season that they owned that little nic nacks shop and George Clooney was the Manager. I think Andy was Mrs. Garret’s nephew or something. They had that other lady on there that came with Andy; she had white hair and some kind of connection to Australia and Mrs. Garret. I think Mrs. Garret had to go have a stroke. A DIFFERENT STROKE. But one of the biggest show biz delusions I ever had as a kid was that I wanted to be the first kid to host Saturday Night Live. It was my favorite show and I watched it religiously growing up. And then E.T. came out and that Little Bitch Drew Barrymore who everyone thought was soooo cute comes on the commercial and was like, “Hi I’m Drew Barrymore and this week I’m hosting SNL and I’m so fucking cute” So I actually let out an “Awe Man”! And my parents were sitting on the couch with me and said “awe man what?” and I said “I wanted to be the first kid to host Saturday Night Live” and there was a pause and then explosive laughter and my mom asked me, ”Who do you think you are”?
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