Melanie Mayron is NOT Mark Maron's Sister

I was wondering, "if I bought the thirtysomething dvd box set... would it pertain to my life now"?

F. Stop Fitzgerald

I married into a wealthy family who are always awestruck... The Flabbergatsbys

Jon Benet

So they might have caught Jon Benet's killer which is good, but what I can't understand is that now that she's back in the news why don't they take some new pictures of her? Those ones they keep using are like ten years old.

man/lady relations

Why can't my lady and I make a deal that I can be allowed to look at other women out in public instead of me having to pretend I'm some kind of gay fashionista? I'm always going,(in femme voice and mannerisms) "Oh my god, did you see that slutty brunette in that tight black dress, HELLO what is she thinking? Her butt is way to big for that". It's fucking humiliatin'.

Starbucks should have free wireless

I saw two nerds at Starbucks with their laptops open, facing each other... it looked like they were playing Battleship. One called out,"F7". The other replied, "MMM You commented on my blogspot"!

Ion and the small arms

I pulled up to the gas station and there were two scientologists handing out their 200 question personality evaluations. I pulled my arms into my sleeves up to the elbows to make "small arms" and jumped out of my car into the nearest "clear's" face. With our noses almost touching I asked him his name in my best Toby Radlof the Geniune Nerd from American Splendor impression and luckily his name was Ian. "Ion, I said mocking his name using a science related theme, "can the space man lengthen my arms?" As I pumped my gas with my tiny arms I saw "Ion and his partner talk shit about me. That wasn't very "OT" of them.

Dumb 3rd grader

I was watching reading rainbow cause the cable's out and this girl was reading something, I don't know if it was a real book or if she wrote it, but this caught my ear, " the sand would turn into sugar and the ocean would turn into blueberry juice and the animals and the trees would turn into crackers". So I started arguing with her ,"That's stupid, what so you're just going to grab a giant cracker that used to be an animal or a tree and just dunk it in this blueberry juice that all kinds of God knows what is in it, and you'd just eat it? That's so stupid, do you even hear what you're saying? Did you even think that maybe the crackers that used to be animals might have guts inside or disease? Don't you think people on a global scale would be rioting and going nuts out of fear because that is a very strange thing to have happen? Didn't you learn about the rapture in Sunday school? Well, I just think you should think things through before you read them out on the national airwaves... animal crackers... fucking stupid".